Our Hayden, Processing and Moving Forward

I know I haven't been blogging much in general, but I also realized that I had not yet written about the loss of our sweet dog Hayden two weeks ago.

He had been in our family for 12 years and we knew his time was limited due to a heart condition he had. We gave him meds every day to keep his old ticker pumping and the vet told us it was simply a matter of time. Thankfully he was healthy until the very end, but died a quick, graphic early morning death as the kids watched on in the vet's office. They saw him collapse, bleed, twitch and die.

In the immediate aftermath my sadness centered not around the fact that he was gone, but HOW he had gone and how the kids had watched it all, and Jeremy was traveling and missed it all. I let them stay home from school that day and we cried, talked, prayed, ate junk food, smothered our other dog Rosie with love, talked and cried some more.

It was one of the most exhausting days I remember. So many questions, so many tears. So many opportunities where I knew....what I say right now matters. They will remember it.

In the end I felt like it was a good day. We spent a lot of time talking about what a good dog he was and what a nice long life he had. That he was a gift from God. That death is not scary. I tried the best I could to turn it back around to positive. I dug my heels in to insist...we don't need to be angry, we don't need to be scared.

Even though it's only been two weeks, I think that time has already been the greatest medicine. Kids are resilient, and their negative memories of those moments of death are fading.

I wasn't sure if we would be in a hurry to get another dog right away, but the kids, Jeremy and Rosie decided differently. So in two weeks from now we are welcoming Waffle into our family.

That's Waffle on the left and Max on the right. Max will be Mom and Dad's new pup as they also suffered dog losses this year.

Waffle gives us something to look forward to and honestly I'm glad there will be a month gap in between him and Hayden's death. Getting a new pup too quickly would have felt weird. That being said, Rosie is desperate for a companion. She doesn't do being an 'only dog' very well.

So by the time Waffle gets here we will all be more than ready, although Hayden will always been in our hearts. Life will go on.

Life Changing

I don't normally cross-post from my bariatric blog, but since this has affected my life as a Mom as well I thought it was a worth a mention. The story behind my elephant mask.

Epizootic

That's what my Dad used to say when everyone got really sick with something. That we had the epizootic. When I googled it for spelling, turns out it's a hemorrhagic disease. Bleh.

No we didn't have that, but we have been very very ill in our house. I can't remember a time when we were all THIS sick, and all at once. Last week Tessa missed 5 days of school due to high fever and Jeremy, Charley and I fared about the same.

When all four members of your family have fevers and are hungry but food sounds gross and no one has the energy to cook. Those are the times I wish that Mom was retired and lived right down the road.

But we got this far mostly unscathed. Tessa's back to school, Jeremy's on a business trip and Charley made it to his preschool pageant (with a minute clinic checkup only moments beforehand). Charley and I both managed to magically turn our flus into ear infections, so perfect health still somewhat escapes us. 12 days after illness first showed up in our house...we're still coughing and chugging antibiotics.

None of us have ever gotten flu shots (well Jeremy has but since he's allergic to sulfur, it didn't end well) and I always gloat how we never caught the flu. So I guess our number was up. You can only tempt germ fate so many times, especially with a kid now in elementary school.

All in all the last two weeks have sucked, but not totally. Last week was the perfect timing for getting sick because we had no huge Christmas or school commitments that couldn't be changed. We watched endless hours of tv shows and holiday movies, and cuddled and read books and napped in bed together.

Cabin fever may have stolen a few of my sanity cells by fever day 6, but all in all I can't complain about the togetherness. A pre-Christmas lesson on what's important? Perhaps.

A really dark picture of Tessa taking my place at my family's annual St. Elmo's dinner, while Charley and I stayed home with fevers. She had a good time but honestly...I still kinda want  my steak.

Keeping it Real

Tessa's 'punishment' for getting a little too rude and sassy mouthed to me and Jeremy in a restaurant. She had to finish it before she was allowed to watch any TV today.

From the Poop Files

There was the time that toddler Tessa ate some dog poop.

There was the time that baby Charley had a big red poop after eating beets and I thought he was hemorrhaging.

And many other undocumented poop incidents. Poop happens. Poop is life.

So, today was the day that Charley squatted like a dog and pooped on the lawn. 

I was watering my newly planted maters and came back around to the backyard to overhear Jeremy telling Charley...no you can PEE in the grass but you cannot POOP in the grass!! I spied a deposit in the grass that clearly, ahem...didn't belong to the dachshunds, and of course Charley's pants around his ankles were an obvious admission of guilt.

"But I'm a doggy!"  he said, with his little lip quivering.

Oh brother.

At least the neighbors didn't see him.

Our Poor Pot

You remember our new addition, the La Creuset cookware set?

Well, this happened last night...

I know...how could we allow this to happen to our precious baby? Well see, we had the Pioneer Woman's Dr. Pepper pork roast in the oven for most of the day. And then Jeremy suddenly remembered at 4:30 that he had made chiropractor appointments for both of us 5:15. We rushed out of the house and forgot to peek in on the pork. Apparently it was already done. Really done.

Factor in an hour or more to get across town and have two adjustments and we came back to this.

The pork was actually still really good. Just a little dry and well...cajun style. I was super worried for the dutch oven. Yes I said dutch oven. That's what it's called, people. That term doesn't isn't always related to a fart related incident.

I soaked it an hour, scrubbed and scraped, then soaked it again overnight then scrubbed it this morning (with a non-scratchy sponge of course), and check it out......

It lived! Another amazing product promotion for La Creuset. I wish everything in our house was coated in enameled cast iron...counters, sinks, my clothes. This place would be spotless.

Frankenfoot and Pie

Things on the home front are holding steady, and improving every day. Grammie and Grampie arrived from Boulder last week just in time for Jeremy to go on a business trip. Since I was still on bed-rest at that time, they had some work cut out for them taking care of both me and the kids. I have to say they are FABULOUS caretakers...they are fun and willing to help, as well as very good cooks. Do you think I could convince them to move in?

Even more hours spent sitting on my butt in bed since my last blog post, doing much of the same thing. TV, naps, occasional crafts, and caring for the smurf village. Then yesterday was big 2 week post- op appointment. The doc was very please with my incision, my x-ray and prognosis, and he released me from bed-rest.

Look out world. I'm hobbling back into reality!

So still no weight bearing for 6 more weeks, meaning life isn't exactly about to get alot easier. So far it's not too bad. Really the big challenge is figuring out how to maneuver things like the stairs, getting into the car and not tripping over sleepy golden retrievers.

I'm alot more lucid than I was a week or so ago since I'm taking less pain meds, so I suppose you'll be hearing alot more from me on here and FB. Note that I said MORE lucid...not totally.

Here's a random sampling of update pictures.....
Frankenfoot.
I had 12 staples on the top of my foot and 6 on my calf. They took an x-ray before the staples were out and these along with the 4 permanent screws inside, made the x-ray tech exclaim that it looks like I 'fell in a hardware store'. Yup.


More fun with nail polish. Polka dots!

Last week Jeremy picked up 10 pie pumpkins just to use whenever, so we have a stockpile. You know in case of a pie-free apocalypse. The G's made us one tonight, yum!

I love the autumnal still life in the kitchen.

And I love this thing, my new best friend. I just got it this evening but I can already tell we are going to be very close. I can get around the house SO easily. Any suggestions on what I should name my scooter??

Hanging with the Fam, Post Surgery

Hey it's me, the blog author! Didn't you like Jeremy's post the other day about life post- surgery in our house? Good job keeping the blog alive!

It has been crazy indeed but honestly not that bad. My surgery was one week ago today which means that I have been in a bed-ridden foot-elevated-above-my- heart state for a week, with one more week to go. Half way baby! (well half way to crutches and wheelchair, which surely will prove to be much harder...so perhaps I shouldn't celebrate yet)

Everyone knows I'm good at being lazy so that's no problem, but it still does get boring around here. I've watched all of the new fall shows, read a little, and played on my iPad alot. Now that I'm coming out of a drug induced stupor a little bit, I'm hoping to do more crafts and fun stuff in the week ahead.

During the day the kids go to school or friend's houses. (THANK YOU friends who are babysitting), while I sleep and chill. Then in the evening we all have dinner up here, thanks to a handy dandy card table Jeremy brought up, and hang out together.

Tessa and I also started reading A Wrinkle in Time a few days ago. It's a 'big book' and pretty much over her head, but at the same time she likes it and having a big book makes her feel special.

Last night I tried to lead the family in some exercises. Jess had helped me find upper body workouts for handicapped people and I thought the kids might like to do it too...you know 'fly', and 'box'.

Man, between Charley running around naked, Tessa dancing and stopping for water, and Jeremy's incessant complaining about how out of shape his arms are...it's a surprise we even got through it.

Charley prefers to exercise naked. Because....he's Charley. My kids really love nudity.




Tessa and I tried to do some nail art. Mine are supposed to be clouds...see it? Tessa had pink polka dots that mostly smudged up. Nail art requires much longer drying time, hard for four year olds.

I got Jeremy a 'thank you for emptying my chamber pot' gift (one of many I'm sure). He loves Sriracha!


There's the dinner table. We don't typically watch TV during meals at all, but who can resist when you're already laying in bed? Reruns of the best show on TV.


This is my virtual Smurf village, which I really really love. I mean really. You have to build the town, plant the crops, keep the Smurfs happy and healthy, and move things wherever you want them. I love that it gives me something to 'care for' and feel important. And the kids like it too.

Charley calls them Narfs. So every time he greets me, it's....Hi MOMMY! How you? How me NARFS doing?


The Narfs have several games within the game. Charley does the hammering one.

And Tessa does the painting one.

And that's what we've been doing. I'm hoping tonight or tomorrow that Tessa and I can attempt making scarves out of old Tshirts. So I'm in alot of pain, and I'm bored, but I'm also blessed. Trying to enjoy my family and my constraints the best I can.

Serious and Sad Stuff- Finding Hope

I'm not good with serious stuff. Not in writing or in real life. I tend to run the other way and then wait for a good time to make awkward inappropriate jokes.

So I feel like I should say something about 9/11, about the ladies brunch I went to on Saturday to raise awareness for human trafficking and prostitution in Indianapolis. But I don't know where to begin. I guess it's fair to say that both events opened my eyes to the gratitude I need to have on a daily basis, and realizing the importance of life.

No injuring my foot was not the end of the world, so I need to stop acting like it.

Then this morning I got on FB and saw that someone had nominated my friend Shannon as a 'Mom who changed the world'. You may remember me writing about Shannon and the loss of her baby to SIDS, and how my online community came to her side in the most amazing ways.

I know I don't have a huge readership but Google once told me I had enough traffic to warrant advertising if I wanted it (which I don't). So I am asking you to please go on this site and vote for Shannon. If she wins, money will be donated to aid in SIDS research.

Click and just click "like" like you do on facebook. It's that simple. THANKS

And so there were alot of sad reminders this weekend, but I am choosing not to be sad. There is always hope, given by God, and we can endure all things.

I'll leave you with a song because more than anything else I can think of, I draw inspiration and happiness from music. Listening to it, singing it, talking about it. I love this band and I love the words of this song....

Killer Duck

This guy looks cute and sweet right? Not like an instrument of death or anything. We've had this bath toy for a couple of years and since he is white I started noticing some black splotches from inside.

Because I'm sick and twisted I was dying to perform surgery on this guy and here's what I found...

Oh Gross! Black slimy mold inside festering away, threatening to infect our household with flesh eating bacteria. Okay maybe that's a bit dramatic. But still gross wouldn't you say?

And to be clear, I do try to squeeze out all the ducks at the end of bath time, so this is just from the wet residue that's left behind. Yes it's true, your bath toys will kill you.

Today Wasn't ALL Bad

It just ended that way.

We had a busy day! This morning I had a quick dentist appointment. Yup, my teeth are all still there, see you in 6 months. Then I took the kids out to brunch at Sophia's and we headed to the museum!

Our main objective today was to finally see the Dora and Diego exhibit which has been there since early February. For one reason or another we kept getting held back...mostly illnesses. Ear infections, sinus infection (mine) and pink eye. Our kids have been so healthy for so long but man this winter our number was up!

Finally all better we headed out....

There's a funny story here. Tessa has started taking her adventure backpack with us to the museum every time. It has the basics, you know...a flashlight, binoculars, magnifying glass and she always picks up a map at the door.

Well, in the Dinosphere it 'storms' every 10 minutes or so and Tessa grabbed her flashlight and headed to this little cave. Without saying anything, like 7 kids followed her in and they all made a little shelter from the storm, huddled around her flashlight. Instinct, I think.

Climbing on all of the ancient ruins.

For some reason as soon as I helped them into the Colosseum, they wanted out. Perhaps they sensed an impeding doom?

After the museum we headed toward my Doctor's office for an OB appointment. What, you've never taken your two small children along with you to the lady doctor? Really you should try it sometime, so much fun.

Anyway, we got there a little early and parked in the parking lot. Both of the kids were asleep I thought, until I heard some retching from the backseat. I turned around in time to see a projectile vomit shoot out of Tessa and land all over her.

Ugh the horror. And the smell. And the car seat.

I called the OB to tell them that I was in fact in their parking lot but had to reschedule. They were so sweet. They asked...do you want to bring her inside? Uh, no. She's dripping.

So that was the end of our day. She actually was fine after that but went to bed with a bit of a fever. Good thing we got out before the next illness hit.

Stuffie Bath Day

Look who got a bath (in the washing machine) today....everyone! Begone dust, pink eye and unidentifiable slime.

It took three loads to get every stuffie in the house. I wonder how we got so many. Do they multiply like rabbits when we're not looking?

Call Dr. Dyer

...The Chiropractor that is.

The kids all know that with my back problems, I can't handle stuff like this. So they store it up for when Jeremy's around.

In the word of Uncle Jessie....have mercy!

Priceless Peace of Mind

After dance class my kids plus Josh and Rachel like to play in an abandoned part of that strip mall where the studio is located. Mostly they run up and down playing tag. It's really nice because they can be free to run, and there's no people or traffic on that side so we're not disturbing anyone.

Today something possessed Tessa to pick up a broken piece of glass beer bottle off the sidewalk. Shudder, cringe! I saw her right away and told her to put it down. We gave the usual parent speel...you'll cut your hand, it's very dirty, never ever...etc.

What I didn't know was that she HAD cut her hand. Apparently such a small cut that she didn't notice. When I was putting her in the car like 10 minutes later I noticed her hand was covered in blood.

At first I freaked out...you're bleeding, WHERE are you bleeding? Unaware of her own injury she freaked a little too. At first she told me it was her leg or her foot or maybe her broken nose. When I cleaned away the blood I saw the tiniest cut on her finger. From the stupid dirty beer bottle. Nice.

I tried calling our doctor but his office was already closed for the day. I tried calling my husband but he was in meetings. I asked my Mom but she wasn't sure...does she need a tetanus shot or what? Is this a big deal or no?

This is one of those moments I wish I had a smart phone and I would have just googled it. If I had done that I would have found out that Tessa got tetanus as part of her regular immunizations at age 2.

But something within me can't justify having both a smart phone AND an iPad. That just seems like a bit much. My phone can make calls and that's about it. Jeremy's been wanting to get me an iPhone, and this incident might give his arguement just the foothold it needs.

Anyway, we decided to stop by Urgent Care on the way home.

I should note that Tessa was a little upset but also mostly excited by all of this. We were ditching our plans to go to the grocery to go to a special doctor who would see Tessa right away. She kept telling Charley..."It's MY turn to be sick, the doctor wants to see ME".

I kind of wish the doctors at Urgent Care would have been kind enough to just tell me up front...if she's current on immunizations then she doesn't need tetanus and you can just go home. But no they had to put me through the whole process AND charge the $20 co-pay just for a fresh bandaid and a snow white sticker.

Tessa was all in good spirits at the office, telling the nurses outright "I hurt my fingern and I need a shot" (yes that's an N on the end of the word, that's how she pronounces it).

So when the doctor her that she did not, in fact, need a shot my little girl BURST into tears exclaiming "but I WANTED a shot for my FINGERN!".

I think the doctor was a little befuddled by that reaction, as was I. It may be a sad statement that this incident made her feels so loved and special, even if that did include sharp instruments.

Right before bed we were talking about it and she told me...'"You were right Mommy, I should not ever touch glass. Thank you for taking me to the doctors and getting a new bandaid for my fingern. I will never touch glass. God is going to heal me when I sleep."

At the end of the day I was out $20, never did get my groceries and even broke my no taco bell mandate on the way home. I'm also a little worried about Tessa's tendencies toward masochism. But, thanking the Lord that all is well.

Sick Day

Poor Tessa is on her second day of a fever, and had to stay home from preschool today. She seems to just have headcold or something. Acting and playing fine, just coughing and feverish. This morning she said her nose hurt and needed a Barbie bandaid. How could I say no to that?

For lunch, both kids got to have OJ and mac and cheese out of a snowman mug while standing at the counter. I think it may be the small fun things your Mom lets you get away with that make a sick day bearable. They got ice cream too.

I make them mac and cheese from a blue box about once a week for lunch, but they would eat it every day for all three meals if I let them. Kraft is like preschooler crack.

Pajamas, movies, lots of OJ and baby tylenol. We'll beat this sick day yet.

You Should See the Other Kid

She looks MUCH better than I thought she would today. It's hard to see the bruising in this picture but the bridge of her nose is still pretty swollen and blue.

Nothing like some blood spilled at church on a beautiful Sunday morning. Yesterday in her Sunday School class, Tessa ran face first into the edge of a counter. Jeremy was called out of service to console her and when she couldn't calm down, they came on home.

The worst thing is that she was screaming for me and I feel so guilty, I wasn't there. In the interest of honesty I'll tell you exactly where I was.

I had had a little too much wine on my at-home date night with Jeremy Saturday night and was suffering from a splitting headache.

Jeremy said there was alot of blood and Tessa kept screaming "I want my MOM!". Church friends eager to help asked Jeremy where I was and if they could go find me. Where was mommy?...at home with a hangover.

Grumble. I feel really guilty.

You have to understand that since I'm home with them every day, I very rarely miss anything. I've kissed every boo boo, comforted every nightmare, wiped every dirty diaper. So for me to be MIA during a time that I was really needed is a little hard to swallow.

Furthermore, I have a personal rule against drinking wine on a Saturday night for this very reason. I want to be clear and energetic for church. In case you're wondering how many glasses of wine it takes to put me in a stupor.....two.

In the end everything was fine. Jeremy called me on their way home and I met her at the door with a bag of frozen peas, tylenol and some water. We mostly spent the day laying around and watching tv.

It's hard to tell if she broke her nose. It's swollen and sore but not as badly bruised as we thought it would be. If she did break it there's nothing they can do unless her airway is obstructed, which it's not. She's acting fine with no signs of concussion.

So Jeremy did good. I think Daddy can handle these things too, but that's still no excuse for a Sunday morning hangover.

In Recovery

Jeremy had sinus surgery yesterday morning and this is pretty much what our house has looked like since then. Lots of sleeping, lots of tv and lots of pain meds.

His procedure went really well and was what the doctor described as a 'roto-rooter'. They removed excess tissue that was causing some blockages and air bubbles and also fixed his deviated septum by removing cartilage. All of this will make him be able to breathe much better. Less colds, less sinus infections, and hopefully less medication.

I had a very similar procedure done 12 years ago and I am amazed at how technology has changed. I keep telling him that his has it EASY...to which is responds with a death glare. Mainly they no longer pack the nose with long strips of painful cotton packing. Also the technology has changed so there is very minimal bleeding.

Where was this new age stuff when I was 18 with blood and cotton spewing from my nose?

Oh well, since both of my childbirth recoveries were very easy, I should shut my mouth.

Mom was here to help with the kids and also spoiled them with fun treats....jello, s'mores and pigs in a blanket. She even made us chicken and flat dumplins last night. Yum yum.

Thanks for all the prayers and thoughts. I think in a couple of days he will be getting back to normal. Right now is the hardest part cause he feels like he's been kicked in the head with a steel boot.

Tessa, the dogs and I are babying him...while we trying to keep Charley from climbing on his head. Sadly, I think this has been kind of nice. He's grounded from flying, with no big projects to distract and I get to take care of him which never happens. Ultimate peace and quiet in our house, ahhhh.